the year since

                It was the worst I have ever felt.  We had just basically learned that my dad would eventually die from cancer, and my sister ha disappeared. I was scared and hurt. I mean after all I was only fourteen and I was stuck there trying to comfort my mom when really all I wanted to do was go sit in a corner and cry. My sister later apologized for just leaving me with my mom. My dad came home the Sunday after his Friday surgery which was pretty amazing, he even watched the Colts play the Rams with me after we got home even though he was really tired.

                This was over a year ago, and since then my dad had been hospitalized with blood clots, been doing continual intravenous chemotherapy treatments, had two separate cataract surgeries, and he is still doing pretty well, even with everything that he has gone through over the last few years. Chemo still barely affects him, pretty much all it does is make him tired, which still amazes me after all the horror stories I have heard about chemo.

                Since the surgery my dad has done extremely well and after every MRI, which my dad still has every three months, we still hold our breath, and my dad has been declared “stable” every time since the surgery. My dad has fought through the one of the most deadly type of cancers out there with his Glioblastoma that he had back in2003 and a type of cancer that will probably claim his life that should have been a cakewalk after the Glioblastoma. He is my hero because he made a promise to us all when he first got sick and so far he had held true to that promise, that cancer would not beat him, like it did my grandpa and so many other people before and since then.

                Since my dad was first diagnosed most of the people my dad first underwent treatments with at Hux cancer center in Terre Haute have passed. It is pretty scary and pretty amazing at the same time when you have a doctor tell you your dad should not be here, I have heard this a billion times. My dad is a true miracle.

                My dad’s not the only person I’m close to that has been diagnosed with cancer, but he is definitely the one person who has had the biggest effect on my life, I love the fact that even through all the crazy, horrible crap that has happened my dad had still managed to always be there for me and help my mom run our small business.

feelings after the surgery

We had just basically learned that my dad’s life would more than likely be claimed by a cancerous brain tumor, and honestly I was more terrified than I had been throughout the whole ordeal, and that’s saying quite a bit considering we had been going through for so long with so many different “scares”.  This was when I probably needed my sister and mom the most. Like I said earlier in my blog, my mom and I are not really that close, but I was really needing her to keep her cool and be there for me, because I didn’t think I could handle losing my dad without some kind of support. I wanted her to stay strong, but she completely lost, and can you really blame her? She had just learned that her husband of thirty-two years would eventually pass from a brain tumor. While I sat there with my mom and aunt trying to comfort my mom, while choking back tears of my own, my sister disappeared. I had no idea where she went, but this is honestly, when I needed her the most and I couldn’t find her any where. To this day I still haven’t told anybody this, but at that point in time, I had never felt lonelier, I couldn’t believe my sister had pretty much deserted me  in that hospital. It sucked. After my dad, my sister was probably the person I was closest to in my family. She had been there for me through pretty much all of this. This was really tough for all of us, but I was there for my mom, and I was doing a lot better than she was controlling her feelings. My sister had disappeared and was letting me down more than anybody ever had , she was the last person I had ever expected to just disappear.