The days after my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer for the third time, we were all very worried. As I imagine every family would be, but we were even more concerned than I think other families would be. We were more concerned because we had been through it all not just once before, but twice before. While that is true, we were more prepared than most would have been, but we were also extremely worried about what could happen, especially since brain surgery is extremely stressful on your body, and my father had been through two such surgeries in just over five years.
We were all pretty worried, but I think for the first time my dad was actually more worries than the rest of us. My dad was extremely worried, but he really tried to remain positive. He said he knew he would come out of the surgery and recover like he had every time before, he knew he would get better again.
The morning of the surgery we went to IUPUI teaching hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana, the same place my dad had had his previous, most recent brain surgery that had been under four months earlier in June 2009. When we went into the hospital we first found what floor the doctor’s office was on, so he could get checked in to complete the last few things that had to be completed before he could have his surgery. My dad changed into a hospital gown, while my mom filled out some paperwork. As my mom completed the paperwork it became close to the time for my dad to go into surgery so we went into a little room as a family and they told us this room would be his last stop before surgery, so if we had anything to say we should say it now. At this point we all, my mom, my sister, and I, all said what could be our last goodbyes. We didn’t know what this would be, and I think that was the scariest thing for all of us. I was fine until, my dad with tears in his eyes handed me his watch and said he loved me. At this point I basically just had a meltdown. I don’t ever remember a time when I had cried that hard, it was horrible, and all I remember thinking was why am I doing this? If this is the last time I see my dad, this isn’t how I want it to be. My sister later told me that she had done the same thing the last two surgeries and at that point I gave her dad’s watch because I couldn’t hold on to it. It was bad enough being in that hospital and just looking around and seeing so many sad people, I didn’t want to think about it anymore than I had to. I was very scared and really regretting my decision to be there for the third surgery, while I hated being in the dark, there was just no way for me to get my mind off of the surgery.
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